I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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