I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't deserve a penis
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
