God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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