My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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