i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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