thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
