I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Come see our sink grown plant.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
