i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
