What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
