best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
