So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
