life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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