I am spending my child support on dildos
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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