If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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