I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
