Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
