Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
