So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you win again, gameday.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
