did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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