they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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