just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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