If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
