someone threw a dead crab at me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
