Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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