Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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