you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
