I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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