Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
