we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Vodka?
Forever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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