I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
