38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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