Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
