I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
