Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
