..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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