we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
