like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
