So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
only you would photoshop your dick
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
