my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
