You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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