put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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