I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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