Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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