I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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