At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
