it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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