I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
