He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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