So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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