We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
