those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
