If i come over, it means nothing
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
