Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize