Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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