his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
